Could it be my fault.
It hit me, like a door slamming in my face last night. Sudden and hard.
I lied for her.
I let her cheat.
Was it a cry for help? Did she want me to tell the nurses she was cheating?? She begged me not to. Was her actual confidence in me a sign to tell? Was she crying out for help
It really just hit me and now it wont leave my mind and i cant think about it without my eyes watering up. And Melissa i dont cry for anyone you know that. I dont and you keep making me.
But then you never told on me... but i never confessed, not even to you. it hurt lying to you. Especially wen it was plain on your face that you knew... i was a big FAT lier and i you knew it and i knew it.
But you, you told me. I wanted to tell a nurse. I wanted to. But your tiny body and your tears were too much for me. i just turned my head, averted my eyes. Pretended. like we were good at. the best at. The best little girls
It just hit me.
Hit me.
Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me.
Melissa Is it my fault????????????????????????????????
i feel wrong to be here without you
?
?
?
May 1, 2008
April 30, 2008
hey Peeps
Hey peeps,
Had a Mkay day... i turned in my paper.. -yes i did do a victory lap of the library-
i learnt for my exam. i LOST my friend but... mmm we were meant to study together but after constantly msging her she still is yet to reply??bit strange
Normally i dont have to utter a word until about 3 or 4pm everyday. I am just noticing that it is too much energy to talk so if i don't go to breaky then i usually dont have to speak until late afternoon. I am just mute in class! lol. Suits me just fine.
Rosies court case has been adjourned so the stress is being prolonged. Damn.
I have my exam tomorrow s0 wish me luck! Then i can RELAX a little. My shoulders have their own heartbeats at the moment they are sooo sore.
Oh something else... i broke Traceys scales the other day... the most funniest horrible thing! Imagine.. the big stressful moment, i step on and... its lights turn out. It shuts off! I broke the scales Tracey laughed. Another man was in the room and he tried not to laugh but i know he was.
Anyway enough
shelle
Had a Mkay day... i turned in my paper.. -yes i did do a victory lap of the library-
i learnt for my exam. i LOST my friend but... mmm we were meant to study together but after constantly msging her she still is yet to reply??bit strange
Normally i dont have to utter a word until about 3 or 4pm everyday. I am just noticing that it is too much energy to talk so if i don't go to breaky then i usually dont have to speak until late afternoon. I am just mute in class! lol. Suits me just fine.
Rosies court case has been adjourned so the stress is being prolonged. Damn.
I have my exam tomorrow s0 wish me luck! Then i can RELAX a little. My shoulders have their own heartbeats at the moment they are sooo sore.
Oh something else... i broke Traceys scales the other day... the most funniest horrible thing! Imagine.. the big stressful moment, i step on and... its lights turn out. It shuts off! I broke the scales Tracey laughed. Another man was in the room and he tried not to laugh but i know he was.
Anyway enough
shelle
April 24, 2008
GREAT
I had a GREAT weekend the one just passed!
I went to the KORN concert with my HE (Adam)!!!!! And we were at the front, the VDERY front row! and i got their DRUM STICK! YEP!
we went to the beach, Glenelg. We had eggs. His poached (yeah?? the guy who eats tripple cheesy cheese crusts and he wont eat fried fricking eggs. lol!) and i had scrambled!.....go me!!!! yummy.
we went to Ikea. He had a hotgog. Just coz it was $1. Wasnt even hungry but how can you pass up that bargain.
We went into the city and tried on tight leather black pants -mmm he wants$15 ones so needless to say we bolted when he spotted the $315 price tag.
WE went to shags but he was grumpy. But em was fun. Why is everyone SO fun when they are drunk? now he has gone....
awww - but atleast i can study without he's incessent 'eat mama'.
mwa
I went to the KORN concert with my HE (Adam)!!!!! And we were at the front, the VDERY front row! and i got their DRUM STICK! YEP!
we went to the beach, Glenelg. We had eggs. His poached (yeah?? the guy who eats tripple cheesy cheese crusts and he wont eat fried fricking eggs. lol!) and i had scrambled!.....go me!!!! yummy.
we went to Ikea. He had a hotgog. Just coz it was $1. Wasnt even hungry but how can you pass up that bargain.
We went into the city and tried on tight leather black pants -mmm he wants$15 ones so needless to say we bolted when he spotted the $315 price tag.
WE went to shags but he was grumpy. But em was fun. Why is everyone SO fun when they are drunk? now he has gone....
awww - but atleast i can study without he's incessent 'eat mama'.
mwa
April 13, 2008
April 8, 2008
oh man
I want to write about Melissa and her visits to me. But i am ashamed at how angry i am at her.
I'm angry she left me. She left me here :(
We coulda made it together
If she didn't take up every spare place in my brain then maybe i could start actually getting stuff done.
We could have made it together
We could have made it together
I'm angry she left me. She left me here :(
We coulda made it together
If she didn't take up every spare place in my brain then maybe i could start actually getting stuff done.
We could have made it together
We could have made it together
Daily planner
Daily happenings for me are about the same right now:
Get up
Gym
Breaky
Study/ uni
Dinner
Study
and usually gym again
Internet
Read
Bed
(oh and clean of course)
The end
Get up
Gym
Breaky
Study/ uni
Dinner
Study
and usually gym again
Internet
Read
Bed
(oh and clean of course)
The end
March 25, 2008
Emma Victorious Victory
Babe i love you xxxxxxxx
Em you really do mean so much to me.
I know you will read this here.. You being such a greta blogger and all.
Missy.. you are a true friend xxxxxxxxxx
Em you really do mean so much to me.
I know you will read this here.. You being such a greta blogger and all.
Missy.. you are a true friend xxxxxxxxxx
Since it is a current topic
The notion of long-term-romantic love has seemingly given way to a more non –committal, casual type relationship. It seems we are saying goodbye to ‘till death do us apart’ by dipping in sporadic flings and phrases such as ‘I love you’ have divulged into ‘I love you… for now’.
Old ideals are being discarded – not just in the sense that a white wedding dress does not still hold the same value that it once did- but it seems we are also saying goodbye to the declaration of undying love for another; Goodbye to the ideology of one marriage; Marriage till the end, until death.
Casual sexual encounters are embarked on at a (more than) common rate. This swapping, sharing and changing brings with it a life-style where one does not have to remain in a relationship unless they are, themselves, gaining what they wish from it. This is a relationship in which one can fulfill their immediate wishes with no strings attached.
This here poses the question (a question I remember once asked by Carrie on Sex and the city): Are women turning into men……..? Well yes, if they so desire- then why the hell not? Women can now view and act in ways traditionally thought of as a males behaviour. Now I do not mean this in a way that implies that women are all sluts that sleep around. What I am saying is that women can now exercise their freedom of choice, can act in more equivalence to the male and not be so judged harsher than a male would. A more equal society – much more, ah, let’s maybe say, satisfied human beings.
In a now forever moving, fast paced, relatively boundary-less society – I suppose this just follows through as natural. As Convenient, yeah?
It was once thought by the female that marriage was essential for maintaining security. Marriage and motherhood were patriarchally ordered to ensure that the life of the woman in marriage would reside within the private sphere. In light of this I would like to solicit another answer from you Carrie Bradshaw, as paradoxical as it may have once originally sounded, I want to ask…
Are we now quite potentially seeing the death of marriage?
Old ideals are being discarded – not just in the sense that a white wedding dress does not still hold the same value that it once did- but it seems we are also saying goodbye to the declaration of undying love for another; Goodbye to the ideology of one marriage; Marriage till the end, until death.
Casual sexual encounters are embarked on at a (more than) common rate. This swapping, sharing and changing brings with it a life-style where one does not have to remain in a relationship unless they are, themselves, gaining what they wish from it. This is a relationship in which one can fulfill their immediate wishes with no strings attached.
This here poses the question (a question I remember once asked by Carrie on Sex and the city): Are women turning into men……..? Well yes, if they so desire- then why the hell not? Women can now view and act in ways traditionally thought of as a males behaviour. Now I do not mean this in a way that implies that women are all sluts that sleep around. What I am saying is that women can now exercise their freedom of choice, can act in more equivalence to the male and not be so judged harsher than a male would. A more equal society – much more, ah, let’s maybe say, satisfied human beings.
In a now forever moving, fast paced, relatively boundary-less society – I suppose this just follows through as natural. As Convenient, yeah?
It was once thought by the female that marriage was essential for maintaining security. Marriage and motherhood were patriarchally ordered to ensure that the life of the woman in marriage would reside within the private sphere. In light of this I would like to solicit another answer from you Carrie Bradshaw, as paradoxical as it may have once originally sounded, I want to ask…
Are we now quite potentially seeing the death of marriage?
Oh threre is no use
Oh there is no use in loving the dying
I have tried.
I have tried but you can’t,
you just can’t guard the dead.
You are the watchman and you
can’t keep the gate shut.
-Anne Sexton, “Letter to Dr. Y,” 1964
I have tried.
I have tried but you can’t,
you just can’t guard the dead.
You are the watchman and you
can’t keep the gate shut.
-Anne Sexton, “Letter to Dr. Y,” 1964
March 10, 2008
Goodbye to male antelopes and eagles..
The spotted hyena...
Hyenas are 'massive bone-crucnching beasts'.
The female hyena secretes more testosterone than the male hyena. She therefore produces bigger muscles and more aggression. Her masculinised private parts make it 'supremely difficult' to tell the sex of a hyena.
The female hyena is socially dominant to the male hyena.
The wild sex - reversal system of the hyena makes these animals a fascination in study... and to myself. Go the female hyena!
She is now my favourite animal!
- Saplosky (2004) Testosterone Rules.
Hyenas are 'massive bone-crucnching beasts'.
The female hyena secretes more testosterone than the male hyena. She therefore produces bigger muscles and more aggression. Her masculinised private parts make it 'supremely difficult' to tell the sex of a hyena.
The female hyena is socially dominant to the male hyena.
The wild sex - reversal system of the hyena makes these animals a fascination in study... and to myself. Go the female hyena!
She is now my favourite animal!
- Saplosky (2004) Testosterone Rules.
My Cooch
Andrew…
There are few days in the year that I truly fear the arrival of. They are all anniversary related. I do not want you to be sad nor disappointed that something associated with you is the cause of my pain. Similarly I know I feel the same thing vice versa– therefore I am trying not to give value to this day as I plan to give value and thought to your birthday; Your birth - date shall be celebrated rather than your death antagonised over.
Time, as it seems has stood still since I last saw you.
Time however has passed, I have grown. I’m so sad and sorry that you have not.
I love you Cooch. Rest in peace my big brother.
Your sister Shel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
There are few days in the year that I truly fear the arrival of. They are all anniversary related. I do not want you to be sad nor disappointed that something associated with you is the cause of my pain. Similarly I know I feel the same thing vice versa– therefore I am trying not to give value to this day as I plan to give value and thought to your birthday; Your birth - date shall be celebrated rather than your death antagonised over.
Time, as it seems has stood still since I last saw you.
Time however has passed, I have grown. I’m so sad and sorry that you have not.
I love you Cooch. Rest in peace my big brother.
Your sister Shel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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