Melissa.... my beautiful, beautiful Melissa........
So sad. I am so sad that my girl is gone, Slipped away in the night. It breaks my heart to think i was not next to you when you left.
Please remember... no matter where i am, no matter where you are, no matter what happens... we will never be apart... i swear
Remember the time i rang you in the night because i'd been thinking of you? You cried because you'd been thinking of me at exactly the same time. 4am, awake, just you and me.
We struggled long tedious days, months, years, battling on... until one day i took off, saw a light... i tried so hard to pull you out of the dark and towards the shine... so hard... holding your hand, edging you on to push through this fucked up barrier. This fucked up fricking deathly illness that shields you from feeling, from living, from being.
Some times were ok. Remember our ritual chats on the lawn under the sun? Two tiny mites sitting ... devising plans to fulfil in our lives, dreams, hopes, aspirations. We wanted to travel, to study...
But most of all we just wanted out of the torment that ever single god damn day would bring. People think anorexia is a choice. They think it is a decision. We know though hon. We know and don't worry... because this is my passion... this is what area i will specialise in with my degree... i will fight to help those with eating disorders.
I will help others win the battle that you fought so hard to get a grip of... but eventually let go.
It hurts, it hurts so so bad. My baby, i want you here. I want to make it right. I want you to realise that you do deserve to eat. You deserve love, you deserve, you deserve babe you do deserve please believe me
I want you to know Melissa
I want you to know also that you were soooo so amazingly strong.
You Melissa, are precious.
Without the pain and hurt you suffered in your dark life on earth, I know that you, my beautiful angel, will shine in heaven. I have no doubt that you are an angel.
It is all over now. You are free. Let go and fly away my sweet, fly awaaaay
God please, please let you finaly have peace... xx
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2 comments:
i feel so sad. i miss her terribly, wish i knew her more. I'm on livejournal.com if u wanna have a look. take care beautiful shelli, was looking at all your beautiful letters u gave me when i was in hospital.
love u
Leia
i miss her to. I want to keep writing about her becaue i want to mark a place in this world for her. It is so wrong how she was ignored.
i have all your letters still but they are back home. i cant wait to get them and go through them again.
i will read your journal babe.
Must get some sleep tonight though.
Love you xx lots and lots xx
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